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Self-love. It’s something that the masses love to talk about, but very few people know what that actually looks and feels like.
When you love yourself enough, you can forget about people-pleasing, self-doubt, self-abuse, and weak or non-existing boundaries!
You may ask yourself “Do I love myself enough” or may even be looking for signs you don’t love yourself. That’s all common, especially if you’re young. Truthfully, before I started my self-love journey, I was so sure that I loved myself enough.
However, when I look back at that time in my life (high school to age 20) I realized that I constantly dishonored, disrespected, and devalued myself.
I didn’t respect myself enough to set healthy boundaries. I didn’t honor my body enough and used it to give me a false sense of elevated self-esteem. Lastly, I devalued my mind and thought my ideas were dumb because they came from me.
In high school, everyone and their mom preached that I should just love myself. That I couldn’t love anyone else until I loved myself.
Yeah, thanks for that *awesome* piece of advice! But, how the hell do I do that?! Self-love seemed so fucking impossible at the time. I didn’t know how to go about it. To be honest, I didn’t even know what that really meant.
It only got more confusing when people tried to tell me to “love myself and everything else would fall into place”. Throughout my early adulthood, the advice was all the same. It wasn’t how to love myself, but that I should. Great! 👌
So, what changed? Well, after turning 21 and two abusive relationships later, I was exhausted of these toxic people draining my energy.
My ex broke everything off after cheating on me, and honestly, I didn’t know how I would live after that. I felt that I needed him.
News flash: I didn’t! I had a life before him, and I lead an amazing life after him.
For months after he broke up with me, I had blurry eyes from my tears. The days turned into weeks, and weeks turned to months. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Every day, I woke up with puffy eyes and lost the last bit of self, that I had left.
Even after actively searching for someone to give me action steps to love myself, I got nowhere! It didn’t matter how many articles I read; I got very base level advice that told me to just do some self-care.
Guess what? It doesn’t work. If I don’t love or respect myself, why would I take the time to do some self-care. Taking a bubble bath wouldn’t make me love myself more. That doesn’t address the real, underlying issue (sorry, not sorry).
If you’ve tried everything, and just don’t know what to do anymore, I get it. I’ve been in your shoes, that’s why I created your solution (more on this later). Before you can take any action, though, you must be aware of the problem. So, here are the signs you don’t love yourself enough.
23 Signs You Don’t Love Yourself
▴ You’re afraid or feel that you can’t say no
▴ You apologize for everything
▴ you find yourself asking “who am I” or feeling like you have no purpose
▴you constantly compare yourself to others
▴you prioritize everyone else’s needs before your own
▴ you’re afraid to speak up for yourself
▴ you constantly doubt yourself
▴ you feel unworthy of love and/or attention/care
▴ you assume bad things will happen to you – You’re Afraid to get your hopes up
▴ you hate spending time alone
▴ you keep finding yourself in toxic or abusive/codependent relationships
▴ you Aren’t comfortable expressing your ideas – you feel your ideas are dumb or that you’re dumb
▴ you inflict self-abuse – Negative self-talk, beating yourself up, etc…
▴ you tell yourself that you’re not good, pretty, or smart enough
▴ you need to know other’s decisions or thoughts before you can make Your own
▴ you blame yourself for what others do to you
▴ you don’t forgive yourself enough
▴ you continuously second-guess yourself – so sure that your thoughts and intuition must be wrong
▴ you need other’s validation
▴ you are too self-critical
▴ you feel guilty if you spend money on yourself
▴ you feel selfish if you take time for yourself
Do any of these signs you don’t love yourself, ring true for you? If so, where do you go from here? Now that you’ve answered the question of “do I love myself enough?” what action steps can you take? Well, you can join the Self-Lovin Sistas club.
Self-Lovin Sistas is a course I created with Black women in mind. It’s a guide that gives you step-by-step how to love yourself. I give you the best-kept secrets of self-love and tell you what famous ‘gurus’ won’t!
I do away with all the mushy, gushy fluff that you see on Instagram, and provide you with actual steps. I know what it’s like to yearn for self-love but only be told bullshit advice. And when that same advice doesn’t work, it feels like you’re unlovable. That you must be the exception, but that’s far from the truth!
Honey, I can tell you that the Self-Lovin Sistas club is a bullshit-free zone. I refuse to give you that same advice because I know it doesn’t work!
Self-love doesn’t just happen because you wish for it. You must take steps to make that happen for yourself, and if you take the wrong steps, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice.
Self-love can never and should never be your first step. It’s literally impossible for it to be the first stride you take.
By trying to make self-love the first thing you do, you’re gonna be walking your self-love path backward. Then, you’d find yourself in the same place, feeling just as lost, and just as unlovable.
If you’re ready to take that first step, find out more, here.
I wish you the best, my love! Self-love is the best love and a birthright! I hope that you can get the support you need on your self-love journey, even if you choose not to join the Self-Lovin Sistas Club.