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I’ve been celibate or abstinent for almost 3 years now and let me say this has been the best decision I could’ve made for my mental health. I’m now 22 and decided at age 20 after this long, exhausting relationship that I was kinda done with men.
However, that didn’t last long. I had a one night stand with a guy and that was the breaking point for me. I felt powerless. Even though he felt completely satisfied, my needs weren’t even being considered as a priority. I was getting very little to no satisfaction. I felt cheap as if I was there to please him and only him.
Now, I don’t think I could tell this story about how celibacy transformed my life without mentioning the events that brought me to that decision. After the one night stand, I looked to my girl & guy friends for solace. The problem? My guy friends came on to me saying how they would treat me better and NEVER do me how my ex did.
I was hearing the same thing over and over again and I didn’t want to be more than friends with them. I was happy where I was and as soon as I tried to turn some of them down all of a sudden I became a bitch, a hoe, a slut amongst all other things. After that, I took a break from my friends and took the time to focus on my mental health and personal growth.
Two months later I installed dun…dun…dun Tinder. Yes, I installed Tinder just to browse. I talked to a few guys but they wanted me to meet them at some hotel or it was very clear that all they wanted was sex. Even though I only entertained a few guys, I got A LOT of foul messages on Tinder.
That was it for me, I was exhausted, drained and done with this cycle. I was tired of men not respecting me, treating me like a product. I just couldn’t do it anymore, I was utterly turned off! Three months later, I decided I would stay abstinent. I was done with being ghosted and getting disrespected constantly.
If you have ever abstained from sex for any course of time, you already know that the struggle is real. It’s not the easiest thing to do. There have been times where I have been close to having sex but decided in a split moment that it wasn’t worth it.
To me, sex can either be a transfer of power or an exchange of power. When I have sex with someone who I know was not worthy, I transferred my power and energy to that person. I am choosing to stay abstinent until I can get what I give equally.
What is Celibacy?
So, what is celibacy? Celibacy is a voluntary choice to remain unmarried or engage in any form of sexual activity, usually in order to fulfill a religious vow. A person who practices celibacy is said to be ?celibate
What is Abstinence?
Abstinence is also called ?continence? and is the often-temporary strict avoidance of all forms of sexual activity for any reason.
I consider my self to be abstinent because eventually, I will have sex. For now, though I’ve been enjoying escaping that draining routine with men.